Thursday, April 23, 2009

Bye bye Baba

I am sitting here on the couch holding my breath. I just put the kids to bed and it is quiet upstairs. This would be normal, but this will be the first night that Caleb has gone to sleep without a pacifier (baba) as he calls it. I know, I know you are all thinking, "it's about time," but then obviously you don't understand the relationship my son has with his precious baba. He has loved that thing since the minute he came out of the womb. At one years old we took it away except for bedtimes, and that was pretty easy, but he has NEVER, not one night gone to sleep without it.

It is funny because before we had kids, I thought pacifiers were the devil. I made so many judgements about mothers who let ther children have them. I hated seeing children walking around with pacies in their mouths, but here I am with an almost three year old, and I am sitting downstairs feeling sad and a little teary that my baby is upstairs sleeping with his cars and a dinosaur and no paci in his mouth. I will miss the way his little eyes look up at me while he makes his little sucking sad. I will miss the way it calms him down and he curls up in my lap and relaxes with it. Ok, I know I am being melodramatic, but this is our last baby, and this is his last baby thing. He is not in diapers anymore, he sleeps in a big bed, he hardly rides in a stroller anymore. It is just a harsh reality that my baby is not a baby anymore. So not only is he mourning the loss of the precious baba, but mommy is too!

The things I will not miss are the never ending nights of the search for the baba. We have spent a LOT of time searching for it. I remember when he was really little, I couldn't find one anywhere. I had searched and searched, and was panicked. We were living in Germany and the BX and shopette were already closed. He was screaming for about an hour, Chris was at work. So finally about 10 o' clock at night I went upstairs to the apartment above us. The girl up there had just had a baby and I stood there holding my screaming baby and begged her for one. She had a whole basket full, and was sweet enough to let us have one. That was a hairy situation!

I also will not miss the horrible bad morning breath. That pacifier makes his breath smell so bad. I also won't miss having to put cream all around his mouth, because he gets chapped lips from sucking it all night long. it is time. I feel a little better after getting all my feelings about it out, and so far it is still quiet upstairs. Pray for us this weekend, as I am sure nap time and bedtimes are going to be teary (possibly for both of us)!


The Zinn family said...

I am so sorry girl. I cried my eyes out when I stopped weening the kids. I can just hear how much your heart is aching through your blog. God bless you girl, I really hope the weekend goes smooth.

Jolene said...

ahh - it makes me sad too - its hard letting them grow up. Vahn calls his passy Baba also -although we all call it a "sucky" My baby will be 2 on Sunday and many times I've though he is now too big to have a sucky but with everything else going on in our lives right now = its so nice to have that one thing that magically makes all hurts disappear. You are in my thoughts and prayers - this mommy feels your pain - HUGS!